We're All Mad Here by Eastham Claire; Devon Natasha;

Author:Eastham, Claire; Devon, Natasha;
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784503437
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2016-10-22T04:00:00+00:00

*wives or girlfriends of famous footballers.

Chapter 4

MY BIG BREAK(DOWN)

Modern young professionals feel the pressure to achieve a lot at an early age. You only need to look at the current role models: the Kardashians, the stars of reality TV shows such as Made in Chelsea or Jersey Shore, or even beauty bloggers and fashion bloggers like Zoella and Tavi Gevinson (she broke into fashion age 12…when I was still reading Roald Dahl and seeing how many Maltesers I could fit in my mouth!).

Rather than thinking about what we want and what makes us happy, we spend our time focusing on what we ‘should’ be doing. I pushed myself to a nervous breakdown by setting endless tasks and deadlines for myself.

I’ve always had a compulsive fear of mediocracy. I never thought that I was better than anyone else (quite the opposite), but I wanted to ‘do things’ with my life and I wanted to achieve. Being ‘successful’ was extremely important to me, although I never once stopped to ask why. I had my head in a book most of the time, so I was bound to be a dreamer. I also got bored easily (still do), so I constantly looked for new ways to stimulate my brain.

As a teenager I realised quickly that according to the standards of contemporary culture, I wasn’t beautiful, rich, or musically gifted enough to be on The X Factor. So I would need to rely on my brain to get me places. It’s not that I didn’t love my home town – I still miss it even now – I just knew that I wanted something different.

I would get frustrated with myself. Why couldn’t I just be happy with what I had? Why was that never enough? I’ll let you know when I figure that one out.

To say that I had an intense plan to achieve is an understatement. I’m a perfectionist and I obsess! Teachers used to call me ‘overly conscientious’. They had no f**king idea! It started around the age of 14. I was unhappy with my appearance and I didn’t stand out personality-wise. But then we were also fed the idea that if you just work hard enough, you can achieve anything. I remember reading a quote by author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn (2014): ‘If you really want to do something, you will find a way.’ Not sure how I feel about that these days. Does this statement include becoming more famous than Justin Bieber or being the next Emperor of China? But as a teen this idea became my driving force.

I put myself under tremendous pressure to do well at school, college and then university. I had to prove to myself and the world that I wasn’t an idiot and that I could be a success. It turns out that impressing oneself is nigh impossible (it’s still a work in progress).

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